Man of Two Minds
by dustytiger
Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life? Angsty, multi-chapter, all three characters now chosen, not exactly Tiva you are warned. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: This is super different from what I usually write. The chapters are shorter than usual (which seems to be my new norm since being sick) and there's a lot more suspense than I usually write. I do update daily (short of something wonky happening) and this fic is more or less written. Will be about twelve parts.<br>The title comes from a song by the trews that fits this fic quite nicely check it out if you'd like.

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><p>Ziva David looked around the small apartment, wondering if she should be there. It had been so long since she'd been there, there was something comforting about it. The whole plane ride she felt as if she was coming home, and she had even had to stop herself from going in the direction of her old apartment. When she had arrived in front of the building she'd sat in the rental car for a long time before going inside. She looked at the directory and the person she came to see still lived there. She wasn't sure why she had kept the key he'd given her, but she was able to let herself in. She paused again outside the door of the familiar apartment, wondering if his life may have gone in a different direction while she'd been away.<p>

She didn't ponder it long, knowing if she thought about it too much she would change her mind. She opened the door and her senses were overwhelmed with familiarity. She hadn't expected the apartment to be different, this was his oasis, his sanctuary. She paused again remembering what his room had looked like when she was last there. He didn't have room in his space for a woman, and that's how he'd wanted it. The door was partly open and she could see a new bed was there.

She hoped it meant that he had become more willing to share his space with someone. She didn't allow herself to think he might already have someone new in his life. The bond they'd shared had been strong, even if neither of them ever fully admitted it until it was too late. After such a long time soul searching she knew where she wanted to be. She took a deep breath and crawled into the bed with him hoping he didn't keep a gun under his pillow that she might find pressed against her nose. She froze when she heard him moan softly, and was soon confronted by a reality she had not prepared herself for, there was clearly a new woman in his life.

"I thought you were working late, babe," he grumbled, still groggy and without opening his eyes.

Her heart began to race, her mind drew a blank and she didn't know what to say or do in that moment. Reality had slapped her in the face, and she realized she should have done a lot of things differently. She certainly should have told someone about her plan to be sure she wasn't walking in on his life interrupting it. She didn't have a chance to say anything when another female voice came from the doorway.

"What the fuck is this?" the woman growled.

The once sleeping form in the bed jumped out of the bed. Ziva tried to avert her eyes, only then remembering that he would usually sleep naked. She wasn't sure how she was going to explain this to both the people who were looking at her with daggers in their eyes.

Notes: So that's part one, let me know what you think. Kind words are good for the soul.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: This one is a super short chapter but I liked having the three parts all kind of intertwine but be their own thing. Thanks for the support so far. I know it's a little out there, but I liked it so I thought I'd put it into the universe thanks for the support so far.<p>

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><p>Zoe Kaetes wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and forget about the last twenty four hours. Most of the time she loved what she did, but this case had made it very hard. She was happy that she no longer came back to an empty sterile apartment. She wanted nothing more than to curl up next to her boyfriend. As exhausted as she was she knew she wouldn't say no if he woke up and wanted a quickie. Despite how tired she was her body tingled thinking about how he could make every hair on her body stand on end with just a brush in the middle of the night. He was the only lover she'd had who had been able to keep up with her and she had been happy for the past year.<p>

She got to the building, thankfully without any sleep related incidents on the road. She yawned and tried to gather all of her strength to get out of the car. She stretched out, and seriously considered a cat nap in the car, but instead forced herself out of the vehicle. She knew she'd sleep better beside him, and that she could sleep longer in their bed then in the front seat of her car. She opened the door and was surprised to see the bedroom door was closed, he normally kept it open. Their calico Colby was sitting staring at the fish tank and didn't even move after she'd scratched the animal's head. She locked up for the night, not even going into the bathroom to wash her face or brush her teeth, she could do that when she woke up later. She needed to rest.

She swore she heard him talking before she opened the door, wondering if he taken to talking in his sleep or if she was so tired she was now hearing thing. She knew he'd been under a lot of pressure at work lately, and hoped the stress hadn't become too much for him. As much as she'd wanted to spend more time with him it was hard, and he always assured her he understood. She opened the door, and couldn't believe what she saw. There was another woman in the bed with him. She knew he had a long past, but she never suspected he could be capable of this. Although they didn't officially live together this was where they spend most of their time and she knew he wasn't stupid enough to try this, but couldn't deny what she saw with her own eyes.

"What the fuck is this?" she demanded, wanting to run from the scene that was playing out in front of her.

He bolted up out of the bed, naked as the day he was born. She picked up a pair of balled sweatpants and threw them at him, hitting him square in the head, and now she was wishing she'd picked up something heavier. She had never felt more betrayed and she didn't know who she wanted to kill with her bare hands first, the man she'd been seeing or the woman who was now turning very red in his bedroom as he pulled on the sweats and tried to open his mouth. Keates knew he'd better have a damn good explanation for this betrayal.

Notes: This might have been evil of me. I might have not told you that, but I do update daily so you never have toooo long to wait on a cliffy but there are some things that might take a couple parts to work out.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: A slightly longer part, but given the subject matter it makes sense. One of my fave NCIS moments is DiNozzo vs. the iguana so I kind of re-created it in my own way. I've enjoyed the pairing of TonyZiva in the past but I like the chemistry between Tony and Keates. While this not really Tiva it is implied (like on the show) that something happened in Israel.

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><p>Anthony DiNozzo Junior was happy to be home for the evening. He fed his fish like he did when he came through the door. The cat meowed at him loudly at him the entire time, he had the fish on a table the cat couldn't get up onto. He sat down on the couch and the feline jumped into his lap for a quick pet while he decided what he wanted for dinner. He went to the fridge, glad to see that there was still pizza in there. He ate a slice while he watched a movie. The cat meowed at him again and he got up again to feed the animal.<p>

"Don't be such a pig Colby," he sighed as the stray he had taken in gobbled up the food. The cat meowed at him again. "She's working late, you're stuck with me tonight."

The cat sauntered away and it wasn't long before he decided to go to bed. He was sure he wouldn't fall asleep right away, amazed at how used to having someone next to him he'd become. Exhaustion soon took him over and he fell into a deep sleep. He woke up feeling lips against his he couldn't help but smile, this was by far the best way for him to wake up. He took a deep breath and something wasn't right she never smelled like this before. His mind was still fuzzy when he heard her voice, but it wasn't coming from where he thought she was.

"What the fuck is this?" he heard Keates ask.

He jumped out of the bed, only then remembering he hadn't bothered with boxers that night. He looked at the doorway and saw the woman he thought had been in his bed. He then looked at his bed, shocked by who was there. He felt something hit him in the head, and he picked up the balled up sweatpants and pulled them on quickly not sure what to say to either woman.

"I should not have come here like this," Ziva whispered.

"Damn right," growled DiNozzo. "I don't see you for two years then you show up here like nothing changed?"

"You two obviously have a lot to talk about," Keates muttered. "Call me when you figure your shit out Spider."

She then stormed out of the apartment and he knew just how deep the hole had been dug. He glared at Ziva. Just when he'd found a grown up relationship this had to happen. It wasn't even his fault but he wasn't sure she'd ever forgive him, and he knew exactly why.

"Leave," he told her.

"Tony, I thought we could talk," she explained.

"I don't want to talk right now Ziva. Stay at Abby's or with Gibbs, I really don't give a damn, just go! You're not welcome here anymore."

"All of those things you told me in Israel were lies?"

"I never lied to you, all of that might as well have happened in a different life. I've got something good going with Zoe, at least I had it before you did what you did. What gives you the right to break into my home?"

"You gave me the key."

"To feed my fish before you left. How in the hell am I gonna get you the hell out of here?"

"Tell me you do not love me anymore."

He felt like he'd been punched right in the gut. He glared at her, then stormed out of his own apartment. He wasn't sure where he was going to end up until he parked. He went into the building at first he went to his own desk but decided to go down to the lab instead, knowing he'd find a blanket and a make-shift farting pillow.

Notes: Poor Tony... What's he gonna do? I might be evil and it might take some soul searching on DiNozzo's part to figure out who makes him happy and what he deserves. You'll see, this is not my usual happy-go-lucky sunshine and roses fic. Keep the kind words and support coming. It means so much to me especially when this fic is so different from what I usually write.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: This part is quite short, but I needed to write it. I know there are a million reasons why Ziva should not have done this, but it's what's creating some drama in this fic. I realise I should have quoted some of the song so you could see part of the inspiration. Let me know if you want to me to in the next part.<p>

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><p>Abby Scuito had a caf-pow in her hand as she went into her lab. She was surprised when she heard noises from inside. She put down her drink, and looked for something she could pick up. The only thing she could find was a heavy microscope. She went around the corner and her jaw dropped when she saw him moving, his hair almost standing on ends.<p>

"What the hell are you in my lab?" she asked him.

"I needed a place to lay low last night," he explained.

"What did you do?"

"Why is it always me who did something wrong?"

"I can assume, since I know you."

He sighed. "Ziva decided to pay me a visit last night."

"Ziva's in town? Why didn't you tell me she was coming?"

"I didn't know until Zoe found her in my bed last night."

"Now I see why Gibbs slaps you Tony!"

"Cool your jets, already! I'd never do that to Zoe. She still had a key and thought it would be fun to surprise me while I was sleeping."

"Actually?"

He nodded. "I don't know how to fix this. Zoe took off and she won't answer her phone, and I'm pretty sure Ziva's still at my apartment so we can talk. I don't know what to tell her."

"What do you mean? She left for two years, you're with someone else now and she's going to live with that Tony."

"It's not that easy."

"Sure it is. Tony- do you still…" Abby asked.

"I don't know Abby. What I have with Zoe is amazing, but what I had with Ziva was as well. I never stopped missing her, and maybe that's why things got stalled. I told her about Ziva, she knows what she meant to me. I guess that's why she took off. What if she doesn't come back?"

"Do you really want to be with someone who could up and leave you like that?"

He shook his head. "I wanted my friend back for a long time and it's hard to push her way now that she's here."

Abby hugged him. "I wish I could do something to help, but you need to figure out what your heart wants."

"Thank you Abby, I should get myself together before Gibbs sees me."

She nodded then hugged him tightly before watching him go down the hall to the bathroom, hoping that he would be able to find the answers he needed.

Notes: I'm trying to be honest in my summary without giving away the whole plot. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but right now I cannot put Zoe Keates as a character and she is not an OC so I'm not lying. This is not Tiva, this is something else and I am working toward that in the way I see fit, that's what an author does. If you have a strong opinion allow me to explain myself without having to go public. Thanks for the support and understanding. If you are liking this let me know what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: Tony goes to talk to Zoe, but things don't go exactly as he wants. Some of you have very strong feelings about this fic, I think you'll like the direction it goes when we get there. The conflict is working for me.<br>Here is the song lyrics I considered putting at the start but decided against it not sure if including will clear things up or just confuse you guys, but this was huge part of the inspiration for this fic. "_I love you I love her, __I need you I need her, __I'm always gonna love you, __I'm always gonna love her, __I guess I should just let this thing die, __Cause I am a man of two minds, __Standing all alone by the river side, __Running out of reasons I can justify, __What kind of man am I? __Who can tell a lie and look you in the eye"_

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><p>During his lunch DiNozzo had by his apartment to see if the rental car he assumed belonged to Ziva was still there. Even after he was done work it was still sitting in the visitor's parking area. He sighed, seeing it as if it was mocking him. He wasn't ready to talk to her yet, he didn't know himself what he was feeling. He wanted to talk to Keates first, even though she was obviously avoiding him. He drove to Keates' apartment building and waited for her car to pull in. He got out of his own car and she stopped dead in her tracks. He went to approach her, but she put her arm up to stop him before he could hug or kiss her.<p>

"Oh, no you don't," she told him, glaring at him.

"Zoe, we need to talk," he explained.

"Not until you speak to _her,_" she hissed.

"I- I don't need to talk to her. I want to talk to you."

"Don't, please just don't, Spider. I can't move forward until you do. I get that she's the one who got away but she's here now and it's very obvious why she came back. You need to figure out what you want before we can move forward."

"Zoe right now it's you I need to be with."

"I need you to figure it out with her first Tony. I know what happened last night was on her, and that's not what I'm upset about. I was good with her being in the back of your head when she was half a world away but knowing she's in the same city as us I can't deal I'm sorry. Not without you knowing exactly who and what you want. Once you figure it out, and talk to her, really talk to her then we'll talk, until then just please don't make this harder than it needs to be."

DiNozzo could only nod, he knew she was right. He went to kiss her cheek but she moved out of his path and he didn't try to pursue her further, as much as it hurt him. He knew what he needed to do, but he wasn't ready to talk yet. What was he supposed to tell her? He couldn't lie to her she'd see past it, but he couldn't go on as things were now that she was so close again. He had never felt as torn in his life as he began to drive back toward his own apartment.

Notes: Sorry this was so short. So that was that, let me know what you think. Thank you for the support. I'm glad people are enjoying this. There are a lot of different opinions on Tiva, but I hope the show continues the ark with Keates she seems like a good match for Tony.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: Tony talks to another friend about what's going on, hoping he'll be ready to do what he needs. I hope that people are enjoying the suspense this is so odd for me to not just write happy fuzzies! There's a couple more folks I want him to talk to before he talks to you know who. I know this triangle of people have a lot of tension involved. It's not really Tiva, but it's also not totally not because it does deal with their relationship just not in a positive way. If this isn't your cup of tea that's fine I'll likely explore both couples again. I'm not trying to mislead anyone but I'm feeling damned if I do and damned if I don't with some people and that's not cool it's just a fic no need to get angry, please.<p>

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><p>He found himself driving past his apartment, and parking at Timothy McGee's instead. He wasn't sure when he'd be ready to go home, but he also knew he didn't want to spend another night on the floor in Abby's lab and he wasn't ready to talk to his boss yet. Someone let him in as they left and he went to McGee's door and knocked, glad that he was home.<p>

"Oh, hey Tony," McGee greeted him. "What's up?"

DiNozzo shrugged. "It's been a while since we've had a game night."

"You're a terrible liar, come in."

DiNozzo nodded and went inside his friend's apartment. The place never seemed to change, even though McGee's girlfriend Delilah now lived there when she wasn't travelling for work it was still the same geek bachelor pad it had always been. Even the sad little writer's garrison with the old fashioned type writer sat in the corner, and judging by the stack of papers Thom E. Gemcity was ready to release another work about the goings on of LJ Tibbs and company.

"So what's really going on?" McGee asked breaking DiNozzo's train of thought.

"I'm sure Abby already told you so you can stop acting like you're clueless," he replied.

"It would seem like here would be the last place you'd want to be right now."

"Home is the last place I want to be right now, she's there and she seems to be too comfortable," he sighed.

"I'm still not sure why you're here instead. Wait, wait what exactly happened between you and Ziva in Israel."

"Don't start McGoo! I know Abby told you."

"Told me what?"

DiNozzo looked at his co-worker and friend confused. "Really? Little agent Timmy and his friends all figured out my relationship with Zoe, but the trained investigator still has questions about Israel, over two years ago."

"What the hell did I miss?"

"Sometimes you really are clueless, and it's not like I lied to Zoe about it."

"Wait, you and Ziva, really? I thought that was all talk."

"It was for a long time," DiNozzo explained. "Then she decided to stay and I needed to leave, and now she's back. She's in my apartment and Zoe is at hers."

"I'm still not entirely seeing the problem, this seems like a situation the great Anthony DiNozzo Junior has dreamed about."

"There was a time I might have. For a smart person sometimes you hurt my brain Tim. I don't want to talk about it I just need a place to get a good night's sleep, clear my head and not have Abby drop a microscope on my head for being in her lab again."

"Sure Tony, but eventually you're going to have to face them."

"I know and I will, but I can't right now it's still too raw."

"I got a new first person shooter game."

"I'll order the pizza."

DiNozzo was glad for the distraction and despite the fact he was sleeping on a couch at a buddy's he got a good night's sleep, although he wasn't any closer to figuring out what he needed to.

Notes: I know DiNozzo's a little bit snarky with McGee but I think it shows how their friendship works. I really like the friendship they have and I hope that's what I showed here. I'm not trying to bash anyone, I'm just telling a story and it's not all sunshine and rainbows but I've been honest about that. Let me know what you're thinking, but please be kind and respectful of me, thanks.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: Ziva goes to talk to Gibbs. I found that this was very one sided and despite everything I think Ziva would still trust Gibbs. I roughed this on my half a few days ago but I think it was needed to show her side of things before moving forward with Tony's soul searching and final choice which come in part ten.<p>

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><p>Gibbs was working on his latest project and was a little surprised to hear the sound of footsteps going down the stairs. He hadn't been expecting anyone from his team to show up with a problem. He was shocked when he saw the person who was coming to join him and ask for his advice. He dumped out the nails that were in one of the mason jars on his work table, and pour some of the liquid into each of the make shift glasses before handing her own.<p>

"Ziver," he greeted.

"Gibbs," she replied hesitantly, as he crooked an eyebrow at her in reply. "I should have told someone I was coming back. I thought it would be a nice surprise."

"It's been two years."

"I had hoped that things would not have changed that much. Are they living together?"

"Not on paper. It happened a year ago. They worked together when he was a probie."

"What can I do?"

"I can't answer that." He picked up the bottle and poured more into her now empty glass.

"I never thought I would be gone so long. A few days ago I was in the market when I heard something blow up. When I reached for my weapon I remembered I no longer had one oddly I no longer wanted it. I was no longer home. I booked the flight and I did not think about it. I wanted to come home. I thought I still had the chance of a life here."

"You could it won't be what you thought though. You should have told him."

"I was scared. I thought I knew him and what he wanted."

"He never expected to see her again but she was there at the right moment. He didn't want to be alone anymore."

"He has a cat he could have…" her voice trailed off.

"Could he, really? They have a cat. He has two fish, Kate and Ziva."

"I am not dead!"

"You may as well have been. You didn't want him finding you and you'll have to live with that."

She nodded. "Why will he not speak to me?"

"Would you talk to him in the same situation? This time it wasn't DiNozzo who screwed the pooch. You need to see that."

"How do I fix it?"

"You can't. It's still sorting itself out."

"Since when did you become so esoteric?"

He shrugged. "Older and wiser. Grab a piece of sandpaper it'll help you feel better.

She took the sandpaper and began to sand out what he was working on. She was surprised because the repetitiveness of the task did seem to calm her. She hoped she wouldn't turn into Gibbs, building boats and other woodworking in the basement trying to forget what she was feeling.

Notes: So did you think that worked? I know some of you don't like Ziva, others don't like how I'm portraying her in this fic it's what I wanted for this fic and I like how it turned out so why be negative? Let me know if you're still enjoying this heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: Tony is stalling but Ducky calls him out on it. Ducky's level headed and would steer him in the right direction. So it seems there are two ways that are showing up around the interwebs to spell Zoe's last name Keates and Keats, I'm gonna stick with Keates through this fic tho and see what the powers that be decide.<p>

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><p>After a long day at work DiNozzo was sitting at his desk, shuffling around paperwork, and generally trying to distract himself. He still wasn't ready to go home knowing he needed to talk to her. He wondered if he'd ever find the words he would need to tell both women to get his life moving forward again. He was sure after a night of gaming his brain would figure out what it needed to, but he was as confused as ever. There was a time where he would have been secretly thrilled about the situation that was playing out, but he had long ago passed that point in his life. He'd been happy being in a real long-term relationship, and as much as he wanted to go back to how things were there was a part of him that still missed the other woman who had been in his heart for so long, and he didn't want to hurt either one but knew that someone would be hurt when he made up his mind.<p>

"Anthony," Donald Mallard commented as he went up through the bullpen area. "It is not often that you are here later than Gibbs."

DiNozzo shrugged. "I'm not really in the mood to head out just yet Ducky."

"Avoiding your problem will not fix it."

"I know but I can't seem to get my brain to decide what it wants."

"Perhaps you are talking to the wrong person."

He shrugged. "Gibbs doesn't want to hear about my problems."

"He is a good listener."

"I know. The problem is that I know that no matter what I figure out I'm going to hurt someone I care about very much."

"I know you don't want to hurt either of them but you need to do what's right for you. Somewhere inside you know what that is Anthony you simply need to find a way to listen."

"Thank you Ducky I'll remember that." He began to collect his things, and walked out with the medical examiner.

Once again he found himself driving toward his apartment, but took a different turn as he got closer. He went by Keates' as much as he wanted to go up and climb into bed with her he owed her an answer and the truth. As much as he knew he couldn't stall forever he still wasn't ready to make the choice he knew he needed to. He wasn't surprised when he stopped at Gibbs' he sat in his car for a few long minutes contemplating just biting the bullet but he shut off the engine and went inside the unlocked home.

Notes: I hope this doesn't feel like stalling but I think he'd need a push in the right direction. I didn't write a Bishop part so it's just Gibbs then a few heavy chapters after that the some regularly scheduled fluff haha let me know what you think about this heart.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: Tony goes to talk to the person he should have from the start. I love the father son relationship between these two and I promise after this Tony's going to talk to both of them in the next two parts. On a side note I have been active on this site for over ten years, and in that time I have always allowed and welcomed anonymous reviews but last night I was forced to rethink that, as well as for the first time in my life chose to erase a review. The next few parts are going to get some feathers ruffled, I knew that going in, but please be respectful of me, and the story I choose to write. I want to hear what you think, I don't think everyone will think the same thing, but a review is not a place for a rant unrelated to anything I have (ever) written. I am not forcing you to read this if you don't like something you have the right to stop. Please try to be positive okay? Thanks.<p>

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><p>DiNozzo was sitting in front of the fireplace at his boss' a beer in his hand and a belly full of perfectly cooked steak. He'd been there for almost an hour and had hardly said anything. Gibbs thought it was unusual since the senior agent generally had the gift of gab going for him. He had heard a few whispers about the goings on, but he never took any stock in those.<p>

"What's on your mind, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked his senior field agent.

He sighed softly. "Just when things were going well Ziva decided to show up. Zoe won't talk to me until I talk to her. I don't what to talk to Ziva I want her back in Israel where she should have stayed."

"Sounds complicated."

"It is I'm not sure I know what I want. I'll never not love them."

"I might not have the best advice about that, but I think you already know the answer."

"What are you talking about, Boss?"

"Your lapel pocket, it's been there for almost two weeks. Prove me wrong."

DiNozzo smiled shaking his head as he took the small box from where he had in fact kept it for the past week and a half. He opened it up and stared at it. Inside was a white gold ring with a deep purple set in it. He'd gotten the ring made, and hadn't wanted to let it out of his sight since he'd gotten it. He knew that Abby had an office pool going which also included who would ask and if Keates found the ring he'd never hear the end of it when she ended up being the person to ask.

"Only looks like something one of them would wear," Gibbs commented.

"Yeah," he agreed, scratching his head, and putting the ring back where he'd been keeping it.

"You wouldn't still be carrying it with you if you didn't want her to have it at some point."

"I know you're right but Ziva coming back changes a lot of things for us."

"You never asked her to come back. She'll understand you'll always care about her, but you need to make the right choice for you."

Tony nodded. "Thanks Boss. I had every right to move forward."

"You did."

"She's good for me even though we lost touch for so long it's like I found a part of me I was missing. She understands what I do and she never tried to pretend we were something else. I deserve someone who won't run away when I tell her how I feel." Gibbs just nodded. "If I know this why am I so scared?"

"You're human, it's normal."

"How do I tell Ziva?"

"I can't answer that. She knew what could happen when she stayed." DiNozzo nodded and took a deep breath. "Sleep on it again and take a personal day tomorrow."

"Thanks again Gibbs."

Gibbs nodded and handed the senior field agent another drink. The two men sat in silence for a long while before DiNozzo headed up the stairs, while he boss stayed on the couch. He always thought it was odd that he would let his co-workers sleep in the guest room while he always slept on the couch. DiNozzo saw the closed door to the master bedroom and wondered when it might be used again. As he laid in the comfortable bed he knew what he had to do, and he knew he had to stop stalling and move fully forward in his life.

Notes: So that was that, I know that this isn't the direction some of you thought it was going, but I hope you like it. I tried to warn you without giving away the plot hehe... Please be kind heart.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: Tony finally talks to Ziva. All right, so far no death threats, nothing too negative. A few people who quit the fic, but I really don't think I mislead people and I am sorry if you feel that way, that was not my intention. I liked the mystery of this one it's so different from what I usually write. So here it is... eeps!<p>

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><p>DiNozzo knew he couldn't hide from his past forever. He finally gone home, and wasn't surprised that she was still there. He wondered how well she'd planned this trip back. He fed his fish, quietly Colby came over purring and rubbing her head against his leg. He leaned down to pet the feline and smiled. He could smell something cooking in the kitchen and wondered why she`d chosen to stay after everything that had happened. There were still pillows and blankets on the couch and he knew she would have been more comfortable at a hotel.<p>

"Hi," she greeted him. "I bought some groceries, I have found cooking helps me to relax. I wanted you to see I had changed," Ziva explained.

He sighed loudly and ran his hands through his hair. "Did you really think you'd be able to just waltz back into my life as if the last two years was just a blip on the radar?"

"I thought we could talk. I did a lot of thinking while I was home."

"That's great, but that doesn't change anything right now. I didn't get the same opportunity. I'm happy, or I was until you came back. It was fine when you were in Israel and she didn't have to see you. I didn't lie to her we were real and honest with each other from the start."

"She knows about me?"

Tony nodded. "Of course she does, she deserved to know. We know about each other's pasts. She knew right away when we saw each other that something was on my mind, and it was nice to have someone to talk to who didn't already know you."

"I do not understand."

"With Abby and McGee and even Gibbs it was like they were judging me for what I did and how I felt about you. I didn't want to get into all the details with them, and hear them say I told you so. It was easy to talk with Zoe, like we did when we worked together. Then one thing lead to another and decided to try together and it was good, it was easy and I was happy. She didn't need the stress you've caused since you came back. We all know a part of me will always love you."

"Tony?" she asked him uncertainly.

"I never lied to you, but I couldn't keep my life on pause forever. When Zoe came back into my life I took a chance and it ended up better than I expected. I've been wracking my brain since you came back trying to figure out what I wanted; who I wanted."

"I needed some time. I know I went about things wrong, but this is where I want to be."

"Time changes everything Ziva. I knew who that was but I guess I needed it to be confirmed. I don't want to hurt you, but I can't, you'll never understand that part of my heart. If you want to be here you should be here, just not – with me."

"That is it?"

He kissed her cheek softly. "I'm sorry my ninja but you're too late." He took her hand and slipped her necklace into it.

She looked at her old necklace and a pang of loss washed over her. She knew that the door was closed and she couldn't blame anyone else but herself for that. As much as they had shared, the good and the bad they had always come out on top, she had never expected that to change. Although she had seen the reality hearing the truth from him hurt. She nodded, hiding her face from him and turning around. She knew he wasn't going to change his mind, but she wasn't about to let him see her cry either. She knew it was time to walk away but she didn't want to go back to Israel either she knew she still had a lot of thinking to do.

He watched as she left the apartment, not making eye contact with him again. When he'd left Israel it had been one of the hardest things he had ever done, and watching her leave was almost as heart wrenching. But he needed to make the choice that was right for him, and he knew who that was, things with Keates had been eaiser and he wanted to keep moving forward with her, he just hoped that these past few days hadn't ruined that relationship too.

Notes: I still like Tony/Ziva it just wasn't where my muse went with this one. Let me know what you think, I hope you liked it and now we go onto just some fuzzies between Tony and Keates. Take a moment to tell me what you think, but as always please be kind heart heart


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: Tony talks to Keates, finally and things get fuzzy from here on out. I would like reiterate, (although it's in my summary before you began reading), that there is no way for me to pick the three characters in this fic, when Keates becomes a character I can choose she will be added until then there's nothing I can do about that. I did not intend to mislead people and I am sorry if you feel that I did. I was as honest as I could be without giving away my entire plot, again it's part of my summary. I put Ziva's name on there because I had a friend who was attacked for not "warning" people that a fic she had written mentioned TonyZiva's relationship. Clearly there are some overly passionate fans in this fandom, but please try to be respectful.  
>On with the fic!<p>

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><p>Keates heard knocking at her door, when she opened it she smiled and let him in right away. She hugged him, but he soon felt tears on his shirt. It felt amazing having his arms around her again but she was still nervous. As much as she wanted to believe he'd talked to Ziva she had to wonder. The past few days had been hard, she hadn't realized just how much she relied on him to stress down, and also missed Colby. As much as she had wanted to go talk to him she didn't want to run into her. He was happy to have her in his arms again, and took full advantage of the long embrace glad she had opened the door for him.<p>

"Zoe," he whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Spider, give me a minute," she whispered.

He wiped her tears with his thumbs and she smiled at him, she then cupped his face with her hand. As much as she had wanted him to be honest with her, it hadn't been easy. She had also had to tell him about her own past and her fears when she was in a relationship. She had never been in such a strong relationship before and the thought of losing that had terrified her, assuming he was there for the reason she needed him to be.

"I should have talked to her right away. I should have told you what I felt. I'm so sorry I hurt you," he told her.

"You needed the time you needed. I get it and now we'll move forward from here, right?"

"I want to Zoe. I honestly never meant to hurt you. I thought if I was honest with you it would be fine, it was really working between us. I never thought she'd come back like that. I should have dealt with everything better than I did."

"I understand you needed some time." She laid her head on his chest. "I'm glad I didn't have to lose you twice."

"Me too, you're good for me and I should have made sure you knew that from the second she came back. I handled everything so badly."

"It wasn't on you, it's all on her. I'm just glad it's over and you're here with me."

She pulled him into another hug, this time not letting her emotions get the better of her. She was focusing on the positive and how good it felt to be moving forward together. This was what she wanted and she was thrilled it had worked out. As hard as the last few days had been she was glad to be moving forward.

"You're who I need," he told her. "How about I take you out for dinner?"

"I feel the same way. Dinner sounds good, but nothing I have to get dressed up for and I don't want to miss the game."

He laughed. "If you had said that from the start I wouldn't have had to think so hard."

She leaned in and kissed his lips softly. "You know I'm easy."

"Well, I've never complained about that," he assured her. "How about wings and beer?"

"You know the way to my heart Spider, that sounds perfect. Then we can go home and see if we can get another noise complaint."

"If it's home why are you so hell bent on getting us evicted?"

"Maybe we can look for something that represents both of us."

"Sure, now are you sure you don't want to go to that Italian place?"

"They don't have a TV, so not tonight, Spider, wings and beer sounds perfect after the past few days. If you really feel the need to make it up to me with food, I want lasagna made with that sauce you're so secretive about and the noodles you make."

"All right, deal we'll have that tomorrow," he told her with a lopsided grin. "I'd be an idiot to walk away from a woman who's good with a date night that includes the game and a good sports bar."

"Hey, Tony, I kinda love you."

"I love you back Zoe." He leaned in kissed her softly but seductively.

"Oh no you don't, I don't want to miss this game."

He laughed and leaned his forehead against hers, running his fingers along her cheeks. She smiled at him then broke the embrace to go put on her shoes and jacket. He followed suit and followed her out of the apartment and to his car.

Notes: So, what'd you think? I know this isn't what some of you thought, and once again I'm sorry if you feel mislead but this is the fic I chose to write. For now I'm still allowing anonymous reviews. Also this is gonna have fifteen parts, so if you're getting alerts there'll only be a few more sorry I can't give you more info on that. Please be kind heart.


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: The couple go out for a date, but Tony still has a surprise up his sleeve. Thank you to all of you who stuck with this fic,starting to wrap things up this is a fifteen part fic. I'll likely re-explore the pairing but it's been a long time since I've sequeled a fic, and not something I want to do again I just never like a secondary requested fic as much as the original so I'd rather just fresh write something new.<p>

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><p>The couple arrived at one of their favourite sports bars and were seated in the bar area, seated at able with stools, so they could both see and hear the game which they couldn't do in the dining room area. They each had a beer in front of them, and were sharing an appetizer of deep fried pickles as they waited for their meals to arrive. Keates reached across the table and took his hand, he smiled at her, but she could tell there was something on his mind.<p>

"Hm, this is nice, Spider," Keates told him breaking him from his apparent trance. "Things are easy with you."

He smiled at her, and rubbed the inner part of her hand with his thumb. "You make it easy for me. You've let me be honest with you and you didn't shoot last week."

"I seriously considered it but had I shot you after I knew who she was it would have been a hell of a lot harder to get away with it."

He laughed nervously. "I plan to make that up to you for the rest of my life." He then moved to stand in front of her, cupping her face with his hand.

"What the hell has gotten into you?"

He took the box from his pocket where he'd been keeping it presenting it to her with a grin. "Don't make me get down on one knee, Zoe."

She couldn't help it but she let out an excited scream when she heard him say that. She laughed, wrapping her arms around him, then realised she could also wrap his legs around his waist to pull closer, not caring that they were in a restaurant. She kissed him fiercely as he put the ring onto her finger. She pulled away from him for a moment running her fingers along his cheeks then kissed him again, this time more tenderly. After a long embrace they both laughed she then rested her forehead on his, smiling at him.

"I never thought I'd see the day," she told him, finally looking at the ring. "I had no idea you could pick jewelry, Tony."

He laughed and ran his fingers along her cheek. "I love you, so you really want to marry me?"

"I want to be the person who can say she tamed Anthony DiNozzo Junior." She patted his chest above his heart, and laughed when the server came over with their meals, offering her congratulations to the clearly happy couple. She squeezed his hand. "I love you so much, especially since you waited 'til half time to ask."

"I'm just happy you said yes, I've never been so nervous in my life especially after everything that just happened."

"I understand, but this is reassuring for me Spider. This ring is perfect, where did you find it?"

"I had it made."

She stood up and hugged him tightly, he kissed her cheek. She ran his fingers through her hair and shared a quick kiss. They had forgotten about the game, paid the bill and went home to celebrate. They were both thrilled that they were moving forward together after everything that had happened. She knew that he really did want to move forward with her making her more at ease with what had happened lately. She understood his past, and knew that they both wanted a future together, and she couldn't wait to tell everyone they cared about.

Notes: I hope you liked it, I thought it was time, or I'm just a sucker for sweet things. Question, what are everyone's thoughts on the "Spider" nickname? Let me know what you think, be kind heart.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: It's time to tell their friends, but first a little fluff, nothing hentai tho (I have written an M stand alone for these two if you'd like to check it out). As always thanks for the support, it means more to me on this one with the amount of hate that I've been subjected to.<p>

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><p>DiNozzo had invited everyone he worked with to meet him at a small pub near the navy yard. He was excited to tell them the news. Keates had also invited the people she worked most closely with, she had been hiding her ring on a necklace for the past few days and she couldn't wait to wear it as was intended. They were at his place changing after work. She had put on a slinky black dress, but realised she'd need help zipping it up.<p>

"Tony?" she called.

He turned around and went over to her. He zipped up the zipper but then kissed the back of her neck making her moan. Normally she loved the attention he gave her but in that moment she wanted to get out the door to meet their were already planning to be later than their friends so they could tell everyone at once.

"Stop it," she told him, turning around in his arms and staring up at him.

"But you look so good," he told her, ghosting his fingers from her neckline, and shoulders to the exposed skin he had a good view of.

"Mm, we can't leave our friends waiting while we have a quickie, Spider. Not that you know how to have a quickie."

"I don't hear you complaining about the attention I give you." He gently nuzzled her neck. "Come on Zoe, that dress, damn. I know you put it on to tempt me." He ran one of his hands up her leg.

She took his wrist to stop him. "After we tell our friends you can do what you want with me, until we get home you're just going to have to control yourself."

She went over to feed Colby who rubbed against her legs the whole time. She scratched the cat's head before she began to munch on the food she'd given her. She slipped on a pair of red stilettos, the looked over to make sure that DiNozzo was ready and hadn't gotten any more ideas.

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you?" he asked, staring at her.

She laughed at him playfully, before kissing him playfully. "I just like to know I've still got it."

"You don't need to put on a sexy dress and heels to prove that. If you're not going to give me a taste, we might as well get this over with."

"Tony we're telling our friends about how serious we are, there's nothing to get over."

"There is when you're tempting me and all I want to do is get you home and make you pay for how long I'm going to have to wait to see that amazing dress crumpled on the floor."

She laughed and kissed him softly. "It'll be worth the wait."

They got into the car and went back toward the pub they had invited everyone to. When they pulled into the parking lot they were happy to see their friends' cars were already there. Keates too her ring from her necklace and put on her finger, a huge smile coming across her face. They walked into the pub hand in hand excited to share their news, hoping no one guessed when they saw the group that had gathered.

Notes: Jinkies it's hard to keep this from going M but it does stay T. I don't like to mix grown up fun in with multi-chapter stuff, plus I might get actual death threats, which I'm trying to avoid. Please keep the reviews coming, try to be positive or at least constructive, okay?


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: Now they really tell the team! I couldn't find Keates' partner's name so I just left it open ended. Thanks for the support guys it means a lot to me, the scary stuff seems to have stopped now. It was never the honest I don't like this reviews that I chose to delete, nor have I ever done that. What I felt the need to erase were reviews which had little or nothing to do with what I wrote and took pot shots at me, had they been signed reviews they would have been reported for abuse because that's what those were. If you tell me this isn't your thing, you tried to like it what have you I respect that and I hope that others respect me as well.<p>

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><p>The team were all gathering at the pub together, surprised to see who else was there, even though DiNozzo, who had invited them, hadn't arrived yet. It had been a while since the team had done anything together and they were all looking forward to it, no matter what the reason. They hoped that it was good news after all the stress he'd been through in the past few weeks.<p>

"Did everyone else get a cryptic text from Tony?" Abby asked, confused, looking around at her entire work family.

"Yes we did, Abigail," Ducky replied. "I suppose we will soon find out why Anthony invited us all here soon enough."

"I think he's up to something," McGee added. "Wait, Boss is that Keates' partner from ATF?"

"Looks like it," replied Gibbs.

Before they could explore what was going on any further the couple showed up, not as late as most of their friends had expected them to be. There were times where it was still surprising to the team that DiNozzo was so at ease showing her off in front of their friends. He hadn't often been in serious relationships and had always been more talk than anything else. It had been obvious that she had been different from the moment they had been reunited. They knew something must be going on since they were all there.

"All right Keates, what gives?" her partner asked.

She smiled. "Spider and I have some news," she replied

"Oh don't tell me he's gonna make an honest woman out of you," he laughed, uncertainly.

"You knew it was bound to happen one of these days. It could be worse, I could be knocked up and you'd need to work with someone else for a year." She barely got the sentence out before she was being pulled into an intense hug by Abby.

"Really?" she asked. "You and Tony?! Oh my gosh! I'm so happy!"

Keates nodded, then showed the goth her ring, still not believing he'd found something so perfect for her. "Really, Abby, I bet you didn't know Tony knew how to pick out a piece of jewelry."

"That's perfect!" she exclaimed, seeing the beautiful white gold amethyst ring she now wore on her left ring finger; only breaking the hug and moving toward the other half of the happy couple.

Abby practically knocked Tony over when she hugged him. "I bet you never thought you'd see the day," Tony joked.

"I hoped I would though, I'm so happy for you Tony! We don't get to celebrate enough fuzzies!"

Everyone else was just as happy for them, although not quite as enthusiastic. The couple spent the rest of the evening celebrating the news with the people who mattered most to them. Everyone was genuinely happy for them and despite the fact they hadn't started to plan anything yet they knew these would be the bulk of the people who would end up celebrating with them when the time came. It didn't end up being a late night. Everyone wanted to congratulate the couple but get on with their usual routines since they would be working the next day.

The moment they had the apartment locked up for the evening DiNozzo was all over her, she moaned softly as he pulled her into the bedroom, knowing exactly what was coming. Her body had been craving his the whole night. As nice as it had been to be with their friends, it was better to be alone with him. When they were together everything else seemed to melt away, and she could just be in the moment. There had been a time where she worried she might lose what she had with him, and now she knew she was the lucky person who was going to get to share her life with him. DiNozzo was still amazed that he had her in his life, and he would for a long time to come. After all the stress they had been through it had been nice to simply celebrate with their friends and enjoy each other's company. He knew he'd made the right choice. Although a part of him would always miss her, he knew that she'd understand and they would still be able to plan a future together.

Notes: That wraps them up, just one more part with Ziva not quite so fluff filled and then that's it. What a ride eh? Let me know what you're thinking. Heart.


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Man of Two Minds  
>Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger<br>Rating: T (like the show to be safe)  
>Disclaimer: I remain a poor barista I make nothing from this I am borrowing these characters for fun and they still belong to their network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life.<br>Summary: Ziva comes back from Israel, but Tony is already in a relationship Keates. How will he choose between two such important parts of his life?  
>Notes: This part is super short, and I think wraps things up on Ziva's end. Wow I can't believe this is over. What a whirlwind journey where I've learned a lot about myself and certain others. I still like Ziva's character and I still don't understand the repeated accusations that I was bashing her through this fic, yes I had her act a lot differently from but that's how this fic came into my head, I wanted to write some drama for a change.<p>

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><p>Ziva just wanted a drink, and to be outside of the hotel she'd been staying at. The room felt so sterile but she still wasn't sure where she was going to stay and didn't want to go house hunting until she decided where she wanted to be. She missed being and DiNozzo, there was something that felt safe there, and that's why she had stayed there, hoping somehow something could change between them. It was one of the few places she had ever felt at home and hoped she could find somewhere for herself that was as comfortable as the small apartment her friend had opened up for her what felt like a lifetime ago.<p>

She had found what she needed in Israel but she would never have what she came back for in the place which made her at home. She wondered into a bar she'd been to several times before, usually after a rough case with the team. She sat down at the bar, and ordered herself a martini, looking around the bar. She smiled for a moment noticing familiar faces at the back, but she decided to hang back for a moment to assess the scene. Everyone she had thought of as her new family were there, as well as some faces she didn't already know.

She was about to pick up her drink and join them, but she still held back, realising that one person may not want to see her for a while. What made her notice this was something else was more than just a group of agent winding down after a rough day was how DiNozzo and Keates were acting. He had his hand on her hip, and she seemed very happy curled up toward him, her hand on his chest, they were even sneaking in a few kisses as they celebrated with their friends.

She sighed softly realising she would be the last person they would want to see, but still hoped somehow they might be friends again at some point and was glad she was able to reconnect with her other friends. She was clearly seeing them celebrating big news and although she felt a pang of loss she was truly happy for him. As hard as the past week had been she understood she had been the one who was in the wrong and had made a lot of mistakes. There had been a time where she could have been the person in DiNozzo's arms and she only had herself to blame for having lost it. She did want him to be happy, and could only hope that she might find that happiness too.

She finished her drink and decided to go elsewhere before anyone saw her. As much as she wanted to see her friends it wasn't the time and place. She took a deep breath as she stepped outside. She knew that if she stayed there would be times where she might see the couple out together. She wasn't sure if they could still be friends after the way she'd come back, but she still wanted to be closer to the rest of the people she cared about, and hoped there was a way to do that without interrupting his life and his happiness. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she knew where she wanted to be, even if she no longer knew how she would find the happiness she had once enjoyed in her adopted country.

The End

Notes: All right that was that, I'll likely explore Tony/Keates and Tony/Ziva again. This has been quite the eye opener for me. This the the most reviewed fic I've written in this fandom. This fic marks the first time I've erased a review, and the first time I've considered disallowing anonymous reviews. This fandom is intense to say the least and I honestly hope this fandom is not losing great young authors because of a few people who feel the need to attack writers who don't write the exact thing others think they should. I believe in writing for you, but it is nice to hear what readers think of what you're doing, nobody wants to be bombarded with negative, mean spirited and rude reviews for wanting to tell a story. Thank you for all of those who took this journey with me and who were honest and understanding of the story I wrote and of me. It was never people who told me honestly they didn't enjoy this that upset me it was those who chose to attack me instead of the words I wrote and that is always uncalled for. I'm nervously excited to see how people take the wrap up. HUGZ and hearts -trista


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